Mind the Gap

Soon I will be kicked out of my rented property and need therefore to get everything sorted at the new house. But what is there to be sorted when things are not moving.
Yesterday end of the afternoon, I thought it was sensible to check the status since normally the inside would be finished this coming Friday. When I arrived I noticed how calm it is ... I DONT WANT CALM ! I want to see sweaty workmen (for the record this is no fantasy of mine) working from 7 to 21.00 with 100% dedication!

One gentleman was cutting up the pavement OUTSIDE the house, which could only be qualified as not on the inside so therefore, not essential. I had a talk with him and he was very clear about things, he was ordered to do so and when this was finished he was off on a holiday. Oh jolly. I went inside and noticed that the bathroom was finished apart from the toilet and sink and there was a little hole in the wall. Excuse me? Could you explain the hole please? Si, he finished the wall in the bathroom and fixed one of the shelves and he was proud to underline, that this shelf would never move again. We that might be true but there is a hole on the other side of the wall! That was not his problem, he was not hired to close the hole. But were you hired to create it? That seemed to confuse him a little.

Luckily the real estate agent showed up and noticed the delays and some of the little problems and took photos and wrote a report to the constructor.
It seems that there never is a dull moment when you get your house built but with the idea of being on the street and living in a house without a toilet, sink, hot or cold water and no kitchen...seems to scare me a bit. Oh well, they promised it will be finished at the end of the week...

The Swedish Board Computer

If you are as old as me you will of course remember Knightrider. A curly David Hasselhof driving a black car that has a mind of its own and listens to the name Kitt. This board computer system was revolutionary in the 80s and useful when David wanted to do things that were not allowed, (Michael, Michael,..) Kitt took control and we all lived happily afterwards.

Well, things have moved on and I am the proud owner of a Swedish Board Computer called Knackerbrod or something. This computer supplies with plenty of useful information and often with plenty of completely useless information. 4 weeks ago it decided to indicate that my right head light was not working properly, which I consider useful information. However, have you have tried replacing a headlight? Well you generally end up slicing your hands and spending two entire days to do so and than in the end you head to your local dealer that will do it for you, of course charging you a silly amount of money for it. (nevermind the whole staff taking the piss when you drive off)

Anyway, I decided to be like David and ignore the message. Two weeks later a new message ; Dear Mr Bos we advise you to get your car checked up. I seem to have done a lot of kilometres so useful I guess again but I ignored it again. Knackerbrod wasn’t happy with this and refuses now to display the weather, my CD titles or anything useful that I find really useful. But yesterday Knackerbrod seemed to be pissed off and starts to make even more noises and indicates that now my left light is broken too! This is rather annoying, since that leaves me with not a lot of options and a screen that is filled with message and an angry Knackerbrod.

I guess that I have to visit a car dealer soon and get things repaired cos I remember the Turbo Boost of Kitt and it surely has plenty of other messages hidden in its system. Next time I will buy a Landrover of 1970, that doesn’t have suspension and never breaks down

Miracle jumpers

This weekend the temperature has remained stable and quiet high, which means wearing a pair of jeans and a t-shirt is quiet warm but not too bad. I have, however, noticed that for Italians this is rather different. It is maybe a matter of class but the average Italian man, will show up in a pair of blue trousers with an elegant formal shirt and a jumper in a flashy colour. May I remind you that the temperature is 20 degrees Celsius! When they start to notice that it is quiet hot the will take off their jumper and casual put it around their shoulders. They don’t seem to mind the heat they prefer to suffer in silence and remain stylish.

You have to admire this dedication and as a matter of blending in, I have decided to follow this and become immune for the heat as well. Find myself a blue pair of trousers (D&G of course), some elegant loafers and nice blue tailored shirt and an orange jumper. Fantastic, ready to visit the local beach lounge place and impress the local crowd.

I walked from the door to the gate of the house… and almost died of the heat. There must be something I am doing wrong or they are all equipped with miracle jumpers because I am not be able to walk more than 5 minutes with it. I think I should better stick to drinking espressos and curse in Italian, that works a treat too.

Paint it black..well White

Yesterday on my way to a BCC event I stopped at the Leroy Merlin shop to purchase what I thought would be easy and inexpensive…Paint!
When I arrived at the paint department it was rather obvious that a marketing and or business degree is not really helpful here. I therefore asked helped of an elderly looking lady that smelled like a mix of food and paint. She advised me to go for white paint to cover the first layer and than use an expensive mono-couche that will take care of the imperfection of my walls (are they any…) and takes care of it all for many years to come.

Right ok, so I got one container of paint that would cover 120m2, not enough for me so a second one. Than I needed to add this first layer paint to it as well. For the kitchen and bathroom special paint is required too. But the paint is great but you need to stick it on the wall! I opted for the latest design in hairy brushes, handpicked from the bottom of a wildebeest that was grazing in South Africa and didn’t knew what was coming. Good quality I guess!

Than I need to invest in some plastic to cover the floor, a number of buckets to put the paint in and of course some tape to covers areas where paint isn’t required. Anything I forgot? Ah of course a container of orange paint to be used for an area that needs to be defined yet but you cannot have a house with an orange spot somewhere!

Moving over to the till, I spotted orange seat covers that were reduced in price and me being a sucker for impulse purchases… added this to the list.
When it was time to get the credit card out, I looked surprised at the price, painting is for the rich ! It better be good or at least gets me high while painting.

Got it all in the boot of the car until the last container decided to leave its mark on me and sliced my finger nicely. I wanted white and orange paint NOT red! The lady at the reception desk almost passed out and after the divine intervention of the security guard I was freshly bandaged-up and ready to enjoy an evening with the BCC.

Famous Town makes Headlines

With the keys in my pocket I am surfing the net and ended up at the National Geographic website that has a feature on Seborga ! The little town is still pushing for independance and this attracts a lot of publicity. Underneath you can find the link to the web video and please pay special attention to Mr Ferrari, if you are a frequent reader of my blog you will recognize him from an earlier article AND he is the previous owner of the piece of land my house is built on.

A town of around 350 people making world news is something to watch for :

The link - click here

The Keys to The Casa

Friday morning was the moment during which I would become the proud owner of a new key (and a complete house attached to it) After some delays the moment was finally there. The weather had been rather bad again so I slided down with my Bikkembergs covered in mud ending up in the arms of the constructors. Men in casual chique but wearing big Wellington boots and still managed to look cool. Why didn’t I got some boots? Well, in all honestly I have no idea where you can purchase them and I think I prefer not knowing.

Anyway, the important thing was the key. After a quick tour showing an almost finished bathroom and a working fireplace I got one key and 5 spare ones! Was this a subtle hit that they knew I would be loosing them quickly ? Even better, the keys given were only of the ground floor, the upper level had a set too. So, within 5 minutes I added 2 kilo of key fat to the pocket of my muddy pair of jeans. It didn’t feel bad at all!

I am used to surprises (good or bad) with the house, so I just waited patiently to hear something and I was not disappointed. Good news, within 2 weeks the inside will be finished, Bad news, not sure if the hot water will work. Good news, there are two private parkings for me, Bad news, the inside needs to be painted by moi. Well, I have become sort of immune for these surprise and I guess there are all part of the HOE (House Owning Experience) and it means just that I need a little bit more patience and paint 130m2 of walls.

But the light at the end of the tunnel can now be spotted and although it will be a sort of camping experience for the coming weeks, I soon can call it my house and open the door with my key ! Time is irrelevant …

Kids' Rock

Could this be the CD we all need if we want our kids to rock ? I am sure :) Rock on !

Yes key No Key

Today I was supposed to get the key to mi casa and although I was not expecting any changes to the program, they still surprised me this morning. First a short, face lifted man with heels got elected for a third time as president of Italy (the 65 government since the end of the war!!!) and secondly, an email that explained that I wont get my key today. Damn! Why not, well no reason, c'est comme ca, as the say in good Italian. The builders are advancing but not finished anyway so it is not a big deal but I do like to get my furniture delivered and stored savely.

Well, the constructor understood and offered to do this for 9.00 o'clock on Friday morning. Sounds good to be. Ah just by the way Mr Bos, dont forgot to send us 100.000euro on our account before Friday, that will be handier. Handier? For what ? The weekend?

It seems that money talks and bullshit walks but I guess that this has become a bit Mafia like. After a quick call with the real estate agent it turns out that this is normal and I shouldnt worry ( a phrase I seem to hear rather often lately) and all will be ok for Friday. Well, see about that mister! You dont know my bank ...

Anyway, time is going really fast now and soon the furniture and electronic appliances will be delivered and I need to get it installed and start thinking about how to organise it inside the place. Those are the luxury problems and therefore quiet fun ! I even got excited when I ordered a new lave linge. An aide that is very useful but very boring, so I decided to order one that has a screen that tells me all the info I need to know (and tons I dont) and offers plenty of stupid buttons to keep me busy during the weekend. Ah gadgets ;)

The weather is off...

Its rains and it rains and than there is the sunshine and than the rain again. The weather seems to changing quicker than the Italian government. While working this is not a problem but I am thinking of the those. The builders are awaiting the time when things are dry to lay the parquet floor.

Otherwise I will have the flooring soon on the ceiling if the humidity is too high. However since I spend so much time thinking and writing about gardens it seems that there is a postive effect on my desk. Since a short number of weeks my keyboard has become green and offered its keyboard space to my greens to grow. It is a bit of a hassle to type but so much more environmental friendly and when I feel hungry I just take a bite.

The only thing I dont need to forget is to close Windows because the plants don't like the wind and rain...
It seems that I am never too old to learn new things !

To finish some unfinished business

Tonight at around 19.00 I felt the urge to go and see the construction progress, it was already over a week ago since the last visit. The last couple of days have been rather poor and the rain makes the South look like a grey steam bath. On arrival I walked through the little hole in the fence and got stuck straight away in a mixture of mud and clay. Fantastic to make pots of not really good when you are walking in trainers. I decided to slide down and at the bottom of the little hill, I managed to jump on a bunch of stones to get to the neighbouring house. Via the back door I arrived at mine, where I could admire the beautiful blinds colour Kermit the Frog.

At least when there is a moment in life that I get drunk I will always be able to find back home. I opened the blind and proper doors with locks were smiling towards me. While entering the house I discovered that the door inside have been placed too, light wood colour and the bathroom is progressing too. Downstairs the floor is done too and they even managed to create an extra electricity point for the new kitchen. But when you are 4 days away from getting the key it is clear that living in it is not possible for a little while.

This is a minor set back and I therefore decided to take fate in my own hands and climbed in the little digger machine. At that stage my shoes were already close to 4 kilo each, thanks to the mud and I sat down to take control… Well, I have noticed that it rained the last couple of days but I didn’t noticed that the chair was completely soaked hence my happy face on the picture. I guess its better to leave these things to the experts and just be a little patient. It is progressing and it will be great soon !

Angry Old Grannies

Parkings are places that have no surprises to me anymore. From meeting to meeting, a parking is an essential place and I some are more car friendly than others.
Clearly it is better to have a small car and those newly painted areas are great but not when it rains and you slide down. The most difficult thing is to find a parking spot that is big enough cos the majority of people seem to have difficulties parking.
Today however I was amazed to witness two grannies creating terror in aisle 3B.

My attention was drawn to them when they arrived, shouting and cursing about the parking space size and the big BMW that was almost touching their little Suzuki. The circled around the BMW and kicked his tires! Than one of them tried to reverse and get the car out (she had about 2 meters of space) with the engine growling and the car creeping back and forward, she stopped the engine and continued cursing the BMW.
The second lady agreed with the first that the BMW was guilty of a serious parking crime and she got out the key ...and put her signature on the back of the car. My eyes were popping out !

Did I really witness this. Even worse, the old lady noticed that I saw it and when I passed by she shouted that he deserved it and gave me a mean look. I was confused, should I laugh or say something? Well, I decided to move on, to scared to get beating up by these Hells Angels Grannies.

They might have hidden walking sticks or rollators to beat the holy Moses out of me.
Parkings will never be the same again...

There is a rat in my kitchen

Oh joy, yesterday it was the final day to get my kitchen ordered for the new house. I have been delaying it for weeks cos I seem to be rather stupid in designing it. It just doesn’t appeal to me and a choice a good but too many choices makes my simple kitchen brain go into game over mood. But with some very skilful Aster help I mentioned to get on a paper what I think will be the coolest kitchen on the planet… well of Seborga. Lots of open space and plenty of drawers to stock whatever tool you need in a modern kitchen.

In order to get the thing ordered a visit to the famous Swedish friends was imposed. The friendly meatballs to get some courage and than…off to the kitchen unit. Fransesco, the Mr Kitchen and as it looked like a habitual user of the Aperitivi Anal, sorry bad joke. Was very skilled in English and guided me through seemingly endless calculations and orders until the final part, the one that hurts the most …the price! Well, it is an important part of the house so I better go for it. Got all the papers printed off and continued the journey to HomeFurnitureLand by adding some more furniture and 2 cupboards, which are second on my hate list of things to organise, before the visit to the till was there.

It was close to 20.00 and having spend almost 7 hours to get all this far, this hurdle was the easy one. Oh dear, all was scanned and my card refused! 3 employees later and many different tries they notified me that they needed to cancel it all and I do it again when I come back! You are joking! My blood was reaching a temperature ready for some good shouting but I continued explaining to them that there must be a mistake. Nevermind all the other people observing a stranger that is not even be able to pay for Ikea.

We moved over to the delivery department where one lady speaks French and explained that Italy has a maximum amount on credit card to be spend on a daily, weekly AND monthly base ! Which makes it difficult to pay for things since this maximum is rather low. Oh great, well I now need to pay a part and than drive back next week (3rd time in a month) to pay for the rest!

At 20.15 I was pushing the trolley on the deserted parking of Ikea that counted just one car ( as nice one, MINE) and all the other 10.000 cars were at home talking about that strange Dutch guy that could afford shopping there…

Why speeding is cool!

The sleepy town of Bordighera has little crime figures and according to those little figures all seems to be small. The policemen and women are all SMALL, the fines are all SMALL (the paper not the amount), the police office is SMALL and as of yesterday I can add the above featured police car that is seriously SMALL. At first when I saw it I thought it was a joke, but that I noticed the two serious looking policemen in it. For them it was not a joke! Maybe one of the superior officers has taken the Team bonding exercise a little to far…

But the best thing of all is that it cannot do more than 45km per hour ! Try to catch me with that if you can ! It is of course environmentally friendly and entirely made out of a light plastic like material and it does have the all important blue flashing thingy on the top.
I do think that the local government deserves a prize for this initiative and the policemen driving it even more. In the country where you need to be seen, small is again beautiful!

Something different for a chance

At my local espresso bar they serves (as mentioned before) not only coffee but also healthy drinks and even small sandwiches. Very handy when you are in a hurry and they are light too.

But today I had difficulties deciding and the place was full of people. The lady that was serving me suggested to take a look at the new sign that indicated all the varieties of food & beverages. As you can see they serve quiet a few things that are appealing but the Aperitivi Anal I think should be avoided at all costs! I stick to a coffee with an apple pie!

In the garden of Erwin - Part2

Yesterday I introduced the readers to the exiting World of gardening but unfortunately I was not be able to find help from Rob&Nico, however I came across another person that might just do the trick. He looks like Sinterklaas with glasses and is probably just over 100 years old, but he is THE Garden Guru I need. His name? Hendrik Jan the Tuinman. He has written more books than Lou de Jong (well at least about gardening) and he created a range of tools that will make our lives easier and our wallets emptier.

As you can see on the picture, there is just no way you cannot trust the guy, he is like your grandfather and got the Nobel prize for Gardening… But it turns out that he is retired and only does guest speakers things for a huge fee to sponsor his green Hummer and 7 houses and not to forget his children. I reckon there is the key to success and yesterday I was contacted by an illegitimate child of Hendrik-Jan. She is called A.M. and offered her green fingers and apparently knows more about grass than Rob&Nico combined. It is quiet an honour of course but since Seborga is a Principality, it deserves an almost royal treatment.

The garden problem is solved I just need to get Intratuin to do a little bit of product placement in my garden to get some freebies. Now there is a challenge !

In the garden of Erwin

Soon I will be launching myself in a new adventure together with my dad. We are going to take care of the garden design and make it look like we know what we are doing. My dad is of course the person who knows all about even the tree names in Latin so this is a good start.

However yesterday evening I thought that we might need some extra advise and thought about an illustrious Dutch duo that haunted my television for years; Rob & Nico. The were the presenters of a program that was called (translated) Own House and Garden. The one with the moustache was called Rob and he liked to get his hands dirty by sticking them in Gods earth. Nico was the handy man that always knew a solution but rather had a cup of coffee.

They were great at giving you advise about gardening and renovating but there was always a brand somewhere lurking around which made me feel like I was watching a product placement infomercial. Anyway, I thought let’s Google them. My first result gave me Rob. He has spend the last 5 years doing the same thing with at least 5 different co presenters (not Nico but a lady) shaved of his moustache and looks like he is now interested in women.

The second result was far more interesting. Nico was caught up in two law suits that in the end made it impossible for the Dynamic Duo to continue presenting the program and he left to live in Spain. What happened? Well, Nico took the handyman thing a little bit to literally and he could keep his hands of the women that were on the set. During the court case he provided evidence that this was not the case but lost dramatically when the lawyer showed up with his contract in which it was stated that he was not allowed to touch women, make sexual orientated jokes, fart (!) nor drink alcohol. Well, I guess I won’t get much help from them, but I have to say it makes gardening a lot less boring than I could imagine!

Vintage is Cool

This afternoon I dropped by the petrol station to get...some petrol but I was quickly distracted when my eye caught the sight of a row of brightly coloured 'bubbles'. The petrol station owner is also a big car fan and in his free time he restores car and he had just finished 4 little Fiat 500 cars. They were all lined up and looking accross the street in search for an owner that would treat them well and feed them some petrol now and than and take them for a ride.

When taking a closer look it I really fell in love with them, so cute! They were all painted in colours that you dont see anymore nowadays and each of them is at least 40years old ! It is all very tiny inside and I felt like I entered a tin of Bonduelle beans but it just well more tastier. I didnt have time to really drive one of them to experience a car that changes gear only when you force it and goes as fast as your granny on a Rolator. Fully restored they dont come cheap up to 5.000 euros but they look a Million ! Oldtimers are really sending out a different message, a message that spells cool and laid back. The new version of the Fiat 500 is really well done but I still think it is far more cooler to have the original.

For the moment I will drive by them everyday to say hello and maybe one day, one of them will decide to join me and become cool again.

Cross town traffic

Although Bordighera is rather small it is a melting pot of nationalities. This because many people that work in Monaco and surroundings prefer to live over here. When you really wish to meet them all than the best thing to do is go outside at around 19.00 when everybody arrives back from work and there is a line of big cars from Ventimiglia until Sanremo through Bordighera. Mixed in with these big cars there is the usual variety of funky looking Fiat 500, old and new and plenty of white taxis. Taxi are the same in each country, they drive very fast, have often drivers that speak many different languages apart from the ones you speak and either have crappy old Mercedes cars or brand spanking new ones, that I always seem to miss out on and of course they are all expensive.

However Bordighera is different and likes to make a difference. As you can see on the enclosed picture, Stelios eat your heart out, this is serious low budget taxi service with a difference. Try to squeeze yourself in the little basket or on the backseat (beware of the marriage material) and enjoy an environmental friendly trip back home. Don’t worry about the traffic jams, you will not be slowed down by this, maybe by the rather corpulent, sweaty Italian guy that is peddling…
Interested? Well, check out picture number two. This is the highly sophisticated reservation service. If the line is busy than you always have the little handset at your disposal.

And you were still wondering why I have chosen to live in Bordighera ?