Lesson 5

Bidet
Never think that you have covered all areas, always look behind… Well, in the Italian integration process I soon found out that you don’t mess with a bidet.
At the planning process of the house they are building I had the opportunity to make changes and the one I really wanted was to get rid of the bidet.

When I mentioned this to the agent, architect and builders, I was looked at if I just said that Mussolini was a great leader. They were disgusted! No bidet? A bidet is what Italian has been built upon. I was still in my denial phase you I pushed the decision through. Until I had to sign the formal documents at the notary office. In a very posh place I was facing an elderly notaire that didn’t speak a word of English. My agent was translation and things went smoothly, until the he stopped and looked up with a strange facial expression; NO BIDET? Oh my God, him too. He explained that if the place was in Torino for instance he was not allowed to continue the Final Act since the house didn’t have a bidet, he quoted a real law article.

I reassured that the place was not there and that I do take showers and wash my hand and it he smiled slightly and carried on. I guess I am never be able to resell the house or become a real Italian but in any case I enjoyed 5 lessons that made me taste a little bit of the Dolce Vita.

Lesson 4

Patience
Any person considering taking all lesson should pay particular attention to lesson
4. Patience is something you need in truck loads. My worst experience was getting a modem for my laptop. A relatively simple request which only took 10 days to get a solution that works at the speed of 56K, crashes my pc, makes me travel from town to town and finally connected, the sales person told me that it needed to be activated and that was for the next day.

A typical Italian shopkeeper is friendly put prefers to sell and move on. His or his argument is simple; the solutions work and if they don’t…its my fault and the often tend to add the word stupido to it. Getting angry, shouting (I am learning) and making gestures is not helpful, you just need to search until you find a solution and than don’t bother explaining it to them because they will reply; I told you so.
My advise it to visit shops early in the morning, so that you have the rest of the day to fix what they suggested as solution.

Lesson 3

Food
Ask an Italian about where to eat and you will be obliged to take half a day off and bring a note book. Every Italian has his favourite restaurant but added sub categories to it.

The best restaurant in different cities, the best pizza, the best pasta, the best fish dishes, the best ice creams, the best coffee. The list goes on and on and in many cases you be better off just walking into a restaurant that has lots of shouting people…clearly a sign that this restaurant is offering a real Italian experience. Just one tip, don’t go when there is a football match.

The whole place will be rearranged with neatly placed chairs and the whole restaurant is packed with men of all ages, staring at a huge LCD screen and being silent…until the referee makes a mistake or there is a goal. I watched it from outside and it really made me realize that the zoo is actually quiet close by.

Lesson 2

Television
As in many cultures, television has become an important piece of furniture in a home and for Italy this is no different. Or is it? Well, I have spend one week watching tv at different moments in time and one thing became clear. Italy has redefined a television experience with three ingredients that are used in abundance; Quiz shows, Women and Football.

However not just like that, a Quiz show runs for at least 4 hours, involves a lot of singing, short men and tall women and nobody seems to be able to win a prize. The second ingredient should be the first because Italy loves its women. They are all tall, blond, show a lot of cleavage and have enjoyed numerous visits to the Nip/Tuck doctors. Final part is Football or Calcio. Are the Italians passionate about football? Well, I have never seen a program on television that runs for three hours with a panel of specialists that analyses the last football matched without showing any footage of the actual match ! This is prime time and even considerated intellectual, it clearly shows again that Italians just love to talk!

Lesson 1

The language
In order to blend in quickly and become a real Italian you have to learn the language, or that is what my simple mind thought. No, Italians have a different language; the language of Shout and Gesture. To get your point across in any conversation you need to start talking louder and louder until the state of being Italian, which for us equals ….Shouting.

Naturally shouting is not enough, you have to use you hands. While the average European is only be able to use of finger for a gesture, Italians can do this with 10! So much skills that not even their mobile phones drop on the floor or their sunglasses move from their nose.

But I have to add they always have style doing in. Something my ‘learn Italian in 3 months’ book never mentioned but I have to admit I am only at page 10.

How to become Italian

The following stories will highlight what it takes to become an Italian. They are all based on real experiences and have therefore been tested and approved by OrangeEmpire laws.

Off air

Yes indeed, I guess you having been missing the OrangeEmpire bits but the Italian telecom powers decided to challenge my patience and invent solutions that didnt work or even worse damage my computer. However giving up is not part of my dictionnary and Alice has shown me her hand and I mentioned to 'connect' with it!

Over the coming very late evenings I will update you all on the Bosa Nostra in Seborga and Bordighera and add some pics too.

Some more patience and soon you can say again ; a story a day makes the boredom stay away... Well, I will give a good run for its money :)

Italian Weekend Wonders

The weekend was spend discovering the area, visiting a newly opened coffee bar that also served healthy fruit cocktails, grocery shopping and...a visit to future Casa Bosco.

I headed towards the project and climbed over a fence to get to my house, or better use of words, construction. It is slowly taking shape and honestly it is hard to imagine that it all will be finished in 2 months (which I guess will be impossible but lets stay positive) I guess the workers are having a good time after work cos I tripped over a bunch of beer bottles that were laying on the floor. Probably the only bottles that will ever lay there so I guess there are taking advantage of the situation...

The old stone walls are raising up and its really looks cool with the beautiful sunshine and sea view and everywhere you look the Mimosa trees. The vibe is good and it can only get better and each future will certainly add to the excitement !

I drove further on to the city center of Seborga where there are 3 main restaurants that share the village square and although I couldnt see inside, the noise coming out of them was massive! A bunch of very expensive Bentleys from Monaco, a group of 4x4 drivers and many tourist doubled easily the population and made it a vibrant place.
A quick look on the menu told me that I soon will be checking things out; speciality rabbit!

The local habitants smile and greet the tourist, wow, is this possible? Or is somebody behind my back stealing my car?.... Nope, the locals enjoy the attention the village gets and appreciate it by being friendly, French people please take note!

On the way down I was smiling and happy to have taking the 'jump' into a new adventure, when a car blocked me...My apologies sir, It was the Prince ! Licence plate SB 001 ! He waived and I felt proud to be a member of the principality.

Italian Socket Challenge

Next morning I was dreaming of have a nice coffee with breakfast to kick iff the day with a punch. My Gaggia felt happier back on his native sole and was eager to produce some of the black gold its famous for. I took the cable and tried to put the plug in the socket....impossible! The socket holes were too tiny to fit a coffee bean in.

Checking other cables it soon became clear that nor my coffee machine, pc, kettle, ect ect was not fitting in this piccolo italian socket. Got on my bike cycled into the town in search of a hardware store that understand my socket challenge. At the beginning of the mainstreet there was a big hardware store selling everything from plastic handbag holders to electronic security chain cutters. The owner sort of understood my question and showed me to the back of the store, to face a huge wall that had at least 300 little wooden drawers each containing a possible solution to the socket challenge.
Can i have numer 7 please? No, this one. After 5th he found my adaptor that would take care of it all, for only 2 euros a bargain!

Back at home the ultimate test....brrrrrrrr the machine comes to life and the beans are being grounded, it takes more than a tiny italian socket to prevent me from having my espresso in the morning.

First steps in Italy

Back on the electronic highway and this time the italian one. With quiet a few obstacles on the way I am now finally be able to tell you what my first days have been like. Although the connection is provided by the local MacDonalds branch so even my laptop is smelling like a burger.

I did spend the better part of Wednesday in Nice working in an almost empty apartment which was rather strange, preparing the place for the new owner.
End of the day closing the door behind of a place that I called home for about 8 years was a bizarre but it felt like a positive closure.
On my way to my future casa for the coming 2 months, I realised the importance of packing your car correctly... At the speed of 140km I needed to hit the brakes and all that was nicely stocked moved from the back to the front....of my neck.
Got all the stuff up in the house and dropped of some papers at the agency and thought of a suitable way of celebrating...Pizza time ! I ended up in Pizz’All where the lady was making pizza the size of Belgium with her baby next to the oven! Mama needs to work! It might also been a marketing strategy cos went it came to paying the baby started to cry pretty loud, so I quickly purchased a bottle of water with my current order. This seemed to work. All the people I met that day were friendly and giving plenty of advise about living here. You are made to feel welcome, which is nice!

Traditional Russian Spoon Stopper

Yesterday evening after having send off the last emails, I was really looking forward to go to bed. Although my bed has been thrown away and the matrasses are already in Italy, I had an alternative. Something if you are into camping ... you will know; the air mattress! Nothing wrong with this, so after a quick shower I started to get some air in it with my rather sore leg, thanks to my knee. The pump I was easily was clearly something that you buy one time and than throw away. A plastic, light weight thing, that when you starting pumping it slides all across the room and obviously the tube pops out every 5 seconds. But after having spend 30 minutes to get some air in my future bed, I was ready to close it off with a plastic air stopper that is attached to it...eh was. Damn, no stopper!

This is kind of a challenge, sleeping on a airbed without a stopper. I started to search the house, like a McGyver on fire but when you move from one place to another your house tends to be...rather empty. Everything I found was either to big (evian bottle) or to small (some nails) or completely useless (coffee machine). But than my eye got a hold of the traditional wooden cups from Russia. MMMM, cups have spoons MMMMM, I started to search for the spoon and as I rightly thought, even in traditional Russia they have spoons. I picked what looked to me like the most appropriate size and pushed the end of the spoon in as the alternative air stopper.
Fantastic, it fitted like a glove. I could know started to think about sleeping, I just needed to get into the bed without putting to much weight on it. Oufff, slowly

I sat on the bed, slowly started to lean back and voila, I was laying in the bed that is securely fixed by a traditional Russian wooden spoon. Now I just needed to get up again cos I forget to turn off the lights.
Second attempt, even more scary, ...yes, it worked!.
I guess that when you are really tired everybody has a 7th sense like MacGyver and we can basically fix everything. Sweet dreams.
(photo will follow soon)

Moving Moving Moving

Picking up the truck this morning was quiet an exciting moment. A 12m3 truck is quiet big and when driving it, it feel like you are actually driving a huge truck.
I was looking to chat on the radio with a code name and get some tattoo but AB and Sam where waiting at the Riviera Palace, to put the empty truck out of his misery ..of being empty.

Ab is a qualified mover, graduated from Move University in Movedam and he was motivated and had plenty of ideas to put as much as possible in it so that we only need one aller/retour. The three movers were moving fast and with a little croissant and coffee, the truck and Ab/Sam in a separate care, headed to Italy.
Where alway through the sound of my dashboard asks for my attention, NO OIL! Damn, this car is new and its a Mercedes, this cannot be happening. I call Ab that already was tapped on his fingers this morning for using his mobile in the car, and we decided to press on.

Entering the property (oil light was taking a pause) we start unpacking, sqeezing it all in the worlds smallest elevator and pushing it all in the spare room.
Our reward after a couple of hours ? A lunch at 14.00 to celebrate the completion of it all and enjoy what Italian does so well...Ravioli!
On the way back and headed to the rental agent and mentioned the problems with the oil. They claim the car is fine this a problem with the indicator... Ok, but well I think this deserves a discount for me ( espresso's are not that cheap you know) on which they agreed.

Tonite will be my last nite in the Riviera Palace, and after many emotions of the last couple of week, I am know 100% ready for the Italian adventure. I am looking forward to learn a new language and get some Italian customers, hopefully we can negotiate over a coffee and soon I will publish the South of France/ Italy guide to the best Espresso. Ciao!

The Key to Something New

This afternoon I drove through the pooring rain (yes there is some here too) for a meeting with the real estate agent to collect my key to my temporary casa.
Exciting cos I only saw the place on some picture and frankly speaking those pictures didnt capture the real spirit of the place :)
Italian design is something I guess you only find outside Italia... but apart from that plenty of space, a nice view, a private parking and 5 minutes away from the city center and the sea side. Not bad at all for 2 months!

First exercise to be undertaken, walk down to the city center and start the quest for the best coffee in town. Standing at the bar, with the Gazetto della Sport (reading the images) playing with my mobile phone and wearing sun glasses, I did a good impressionating of a local. Two coffees and one little cake further I paid 1.90 euro (!) to the friendly waiter that admired my newly accquired Italian...or the lack of it. Getting back to the place, I had a look on both the terraces and even find a place to put my bikes. It really lookes like a good alternative and its even close to where I will move to in 2 months.

The only thing missing was the rental contract. The agent showed me his usual smile; not a problem Miester Bos. I make paper now, you sign and its just between us. Ok.... and let me guess, I need to pay cash? Si, of course, but that can wait until tomorrow, in the meantime settle in and have fun.
Frankly, Italians can be a bit funny but they all have been very helpful and always finding good ways to get to solutions, although the tend to involve cash payments...
Anyway, tomorrow Ab, Sam and I will be cruising down the border in a huge truck to bring what feel like the resume of my life in 12m3 !

It will be fun...but so far the start in Italy has been of great espresso value.

Bits and Pieces

The whole weekend I celebrated while living among a friendly bunch of cardboard boxes. They decided that this weekend all of them wanted to be filed with my life's souvenirs, and deary me, there was tons of it!

I think you really start to understand how fortunate we are when you start moving. First of all in my case you move to a new country and a new house. Secondly I get the chance to revisit old memories through putting everything in boxes.
But what I really like, is looking through things and throwing away the material stuff you dont need. However this time I wanted not just to throw things in the bin but try to find a better life for them to provide others with new memories. So, I searched the whole town to find a special bin for recycling clothes. With 4 full bags of clothes I really didnt wanted to throw it away but surprise surprise, France doesnt seem to share my passion... I ended up giving it all to a happy employee of Auchan supermarket that mentioned that his family would be pleased.

All the other 'old' stuff I put every night on the corner of the street and its very amusing, cos within 30 minutes everything has been adopted by others.
The rest in put in the special paper bins and glass bins, recycling counts!

It does feel better to start a new life without just getting rid of it all and try to help others. Cos what is really clear, we are fortunate, being healthy and employed and that is something you start realising even more when you move to a new place. A wise lesson for me, to think about it a bit more often.
Moving seems to be a humbling experience.

Good ideas are Simple

I admire people with ideas, not big ideas, just taking something simple and create something good with it. An idea of which everybody will say 'Why didnt I think of this'. Those are the most powerful ones. Of just having a simple idea is not sufficient, a real admiration and respect goes out to the entrepreneurs that Act!

Take the idea and develop it, get the finances, get it known and ignore the people that talk negative about it and push everything to the max to realise there dream/idea. A good exemple is Mr Hoberman. the creator of www.lastminute.com. An idea that was based on his experience as a student and when he sold the idea recently he got personally about 60 million pounds for his part of the business, not bad at all! But those people dont stop when they are financially independant, they speed it up.

Still plenty of ideas to fund, his and others and one of the latest really could be a great one too; its called www.mydeco.com. Basically a website that helps everybody to design or improve the inside of its house. You simple download a picture of your place, room or house and it creates a drawing. This drawing will be the base of your future place and you add whatever you wish for. You can even order the stuff you put into the design, share ideas and get help from designer professionals.

Having just purchased a new place this is really a very handy tool and I for one, will take full advance of it and see if this simple idea is again a good idea!

Starbucks sucks

As an amateur of coffee you would think that I would be delighted by having Starbucks at my disposal. Well lucky me, Starbucks is not present in France nor Italy and I am not missing it at all.

The strategy of Starbucks is a coffee shop on each corner of each town. This has resultated in many shops in many countries and at a certain stage it even was fashionble to have a coffee there. I have never been a real believer in the concept, which is limited (how cool can coffee be?) and poor quality (try an italian espresso) furthermore there hunger from growth and there strategy sounds like eating your own profits. Well the results have come in and it feels like a little victory for real coffee lovers.

Starbucks has lost 40% of it profits, came last in a coffee taste survey and surprise surprise the rapid growth has come to bite them in the behind, with cannibalising sales. (Starbucks on the left is competiting with the one on the right). They now realise that they have become a franchise brand like McDonalds and Burger King (less burgers) and have lost their initial appeal.
Furthermore the concept has been rather simple to copy and many different style coffee houses have seen the light and they are doing fine. Their competitive edge is gone and they dont click anymore with their customers.

This is of course a huge problem for them and the new CEO will push hard for creative solutions and a transformation of the brand. But what I hope is that they start realizing that in order to get the customers you need a good product!
Let's drink to that !